When did the cell phone become a license to be rude? And why must I be subjected to your personal conversations?

I believe that I have such a vanilla life.

I still believe in the Holy Trinity, except now it's Target, Trader Joe's, and IKEA.

I'm the person who says every single thing she thinks, sometimes to others' amusement, and almost always to my detriment.

No matter how happy anyone is with their choices, I believe it's human nature to wonder about the path not taken.

As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.

In real life, I tend to yell at people a lot. Not because I'm bossy or mean, but because I'm frustrated.

I don't mean to get all religious here, but I'm pretty sure key lime martinis (with a graham cracker & sugar rim) are proof that Jesus loves us.

Fortunately, all it takes for us to be of one mind is some buttercream frosting.

For the record? I have never been her baby. In fact, I reject the notion of coming out of her body. I prefer to believe I was hatched, or perhaps purchased.

Ambien might have mentally just tossed my salad. WITH CROUTONS.

When I came out of anesthesia, I wanted two things: my husband and my dog. They wouldn't let the dog in the recovery room.

So, my sweet, did it put the fun into funeral?

If I only drink beer, nothing stronger, then by the end of the night I can generally recognize myself as a reasonable human being, and more importantly, wake up that way.

It is best to marry for purely selfish reasons.

You’re a feminist if you go to a Jay Z and Beyoncé concert, and you’re not like, ‘Mmm, I feel like Beyoncé should get 23 percent less money than Jay Z'.

The whole universe appears as a dynamic web of inseparable energy patterns... Thus we are not separated parts of a whole. We are a Whole.

Imitate. Don’t be shy about it. Try to get as close as you can. You'll never get all the way, and the separation might be truly remarkable.

Content thyself to be obscurely good.

Is Wall Street the rightful master of our economic fate? Or should we choose a broader form of sovereignty?

There is no such thing as truth. The only thing that is actually there is your 'logically' ascertained premise, which you call truth.