When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

Her brain is like a filing cabinet – everything neatly stored in categories. My brain is more like soup – everything all blended and mushed together.

I’m sorry, ’ I whispered. I didn’t know whether I was sympathizing with her broken heart or apologizing for a family who had had theirs broken, too.

Give a child love, laughter and peace, not AIDS.

In every culture and in every medical tradition before ours, healing was accomplished by moving energy.

Who knows why I had to go through what I had to go through to produce the kind of music I produce today, to be one of the greatest Africans playing music, who knows?

All I ever wanted was an unfair advantage

I'm certainly not a fan of conversion when you could shoot the movie in 3-D.

So as you are beginning your day anchor yourself in the truth. Know that all is well. Extend this to your friends, colleagues and all that you meet. That life is for YOU! It is never against you.

It is a most unhappy state to be at a distance with God: man needs no greater infelicity than to be left to himself.

The world is like a grand staircase, some are going up and some are going down.