When doctors describe pain as experiencing "discomfort," it's like saying Hiroshima experienced "urban renewal".

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Feels so good to be quoted

You may forsake a person, a family, some location of the heart, but scars and memories cannot be discarded like used clothing.

It is a poor wit who lives by borrowing the words, decisions, mien, inventions and actions of others.

I really enjoy what I do and have been fortunate to pursue basically whatever I'm feeling at the time.

What is a god? A god is a personification of a motivating power of a value system that functions in human life and in the universe.

I do myself a greater injury in lying than I do him of whom I tell a lie.

Like all enjoyable things, you see, it has unenjoyable parts to it.

Filth is always a sign of weakness - in the mouth of the user and in the mind of the writer.

You think this is a trap then?" the Count asked. "I always think everything is a trap until proven otherwise," the Prince answered. "Which is why I'm still alive.

I don't really have anything to say. Basketball is not a game that you can play with your mouth. It needs action to prove yourself.