When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Having a kid made me realize, "I have to take care of this kid, but I can't have the luxury of dropping everything in the world and spending every waking moment with him. I've got to work."

There's no unemployment insurance if you don't have a job in wrestling. You really have to be committed, to have a love and a passion for the sport, a belief in yourself that you can do it.

The Venus Project presents a bold, new direction for humanity that entails nothing less than the total redesign of our culture.

I want to tell them (western countries) just as the Soviet Union was wiped out and today does not exist, so will the Zionist regime soon be wiped out.

I have a box of awards in the closet. I think it is weird to put them out. I might if I had an Emmy or Oscar, but I don't.

Not everything is about beating your head against the wall until it breaks.” “Just most things.

One of the concepts essential to molecular manufacturing is that of a self-replicating manufacturing system. That concept has lagged behind in its acceptance.

I would not do anything to besmirch my reputation any further than it has already been.

Drunkenness was in good repute in England till "Bloody Mary" frowned upon it; it remained popular in Germany. The French drank more stably, not being quite so cold.