When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

The most effective kind of education is that a child should play amongst lovely things.

The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws.

I eat meat. I don't go to the gym.

Woo! It's so cold, I think we may be twin sisters now," he said through rattling teeth.

We're the only species that have crapped up the planet and the only species that can clean it up.

Captain Niall, having apparently resigned himself to losing his quarry, was savaging her horsehair petticoat into teeny, tiny shreds. "Really, what did my poor petticoat do to offend?

The moon rose, an opalescent goddess tipping light from her harsh maternal scimitar.

I think it's good for sporting justice that Ronaldo scored twice in the final.

The rare case where the conquered is very satisfied with the conqueror.

Promptly report your action to the one who requested it.