When it comes to finding available men in Minnesota, the odds are good, but the goods are odd.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

Rugged indiividualism and Rugged groupism. Together they make America strong.

The very idea that we get a moral compass from religion is horrible. Not only should we not get our moral compass from religion, as a matter of fact we don't.

I would rather be adorned by beauty of character than jewels. Jewels are the gift of fortune, while character comes from within.

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift.

When Bush says democracy, I often wonder what he's referring to.

The Bible itself claims that "the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom".

The wise teacher knows that 55 minutes of work plus 5 minutes laughter are worth twice as much as 60 minutes of unvaried work.

People are becoming more environmentally aware and caring more for animals and really wanting to improve their health.

Small aids to individuals, large aid to masses.

I was playing with the Aquabats, and then I quit to join a band called Suicide Machine in Detroit.