When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Every challenge, every adversity, contains within it the seeds of opportunity and growth.

What is this frog and mouse battle among the mathematicians?

People are generally resistant to teaching and training because it requires effort. This clashes with the natural wiring of human adults: We are fundamentally lazy.

As I die, and my life flashes before my eyes, I want to see who made faces at me when I turned my head. That's all I want to see.

Once we start seeing video games that have more memorable characters, you'll see better movie adaptations.

When the wish and the fear are exactly the same, we call the dream a nightmare.

The fact is, the secret of happiness is the sense of proportion.

In America, the photographer is not simply the person who records the past, but the one who invents it.

I do feel really determined, and that I have to pull myself together, but I don't really think like, my market has changed and my company has changed, and I'm going to make it BIG in America!

Restrictions will set you free.