When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

Goliath's mother, who said to Goliath, Stop running around with David! You're always coming home stoned! Never got a dinner!

we eat for our stomachs, but we hunger with our hearts.

For a sunrise or a sunset, you're manic or you're depressed. Will you ever feel ok?

However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I've always been. Hard to explain that to the young. we may look truly reptilian, but we're not a separate tribe.

Absolutely no way to escape enigmans.

Worrying is paying interest on a debt you might not even owe.

The fact remains that most of us are anesthetized to the true cost and true value of long term care insurance.

There were so many things I have had to say sorry for that I wasn’t sorry about.

Personality must be accepted for what it is. You mustn't mind that a poet is a drunk, rather that drunks are not always poets.

Are people being the least you expect of them, or the best they expect themselves to be?

Whenever we accept an idea as authority instead of as instrument, an idol is set up. We worship the plough, and not the fruit.