When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning. Going onstage had nothing to do with it.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Winner goes with the flow, History Maker against the flow

A consequence may be the very thing that saves us because it was the only thing loud enough to get our attention.

One mistake will never kill you. The same mistake over and over again will.

The spell of power never quite releases its hold.

I mean, my people were very, very simple. They were peasant people, you know?

I can never find the right bras.

Faith is a function of the heart.

Together we are creating a more peaceful, just and sustainable world through kindness

No one can obtain from the Pope a dispensation for never dying. [Lat., Nemo impetrare potest a papa bullam numquam moriendi.]

There is no flesh in man's obdurate heart; he does not feel for man.