When people don't want 'em, when they profit from the division, however, be it politically or financially, that's when I abhor it.

If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.

Poverty is not the root cause of crime.

Liberals attempt through judicial activism what they cannot win at the ballot box.

We're not sexists, we're chauvinists - we're male chauvinist pigs, and we're happy to be because we think that's what men were destined to be. We think that's what women want.

End results that work that don’t involve government threaten liberals.

You know why there's a Second Amendment? In case the government fails to follow the first one.

Styrofoam and plastic milk jugs are biodegradable! Do you know what isn't biodegradable? Paper!

I think cigars are just a tremendous addition to the enjoyment of life.

The NAACP should have riot rehearsal. They should get a liquor store and practice robberies.

In a country of children where the option is Santa Claus or work, what wins?

You dance?”“I think that might be overly optimistic, ” he said. “I do something. I’ll try not to hurt you.

In America we have a Declaration of Independence, but our history, our advancements, our global strength all point to an American declaration of interdependence.

Faith is like lighting the torch that passes from one person to the next. You can't light the torch of another if yours isn't burning.

I don't buy art in order to leave a mark or to be remembered; clutching at immortality is of zero interest to anyone sane.

The United States Postal Service is the world's most efficient postal system.

Ah, yes! I wrote the "Purple Cow" - I'm sorry, now, I wrote it! But I can tell you anyhow, I'll kill you if you quote it!

The military caste did not originate as a party of patriots, but as a party of bandits

Treason doth never prosper. What's the reason? Why, when it prospers, none dare call it treason.

I used to think that each phase of life was the end. But now that my view on life is more or less fixed, I believe that change is a great thing. In fact, it's the only real absolute in the world.

O time, thou must untangle this, not I. It is too hard a knot for me t'untie.