When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Chastity is not an attribute of body, but soul.

Turn your fear around. The other side of it is strength.

who does not know the evils of war cannot appreciate its benefits

Where I think the most work needs to be done is behind the camera, not in front of it.

Bolivia is a majority indigenous nation, but that majority has always been excluded.

Guard you thoughts as you would your wallet. Habit is stronger than reason.

The truth is, we [women] live like bats, or owls, labor like beasts, and die like worms.

You are not the child of the people you call mother and father, but their fellow-adventurer on a bright journey to understand the things that are.

Weak leadership can wreck the soundest strategy; forceful execution of even a poor plan can often bring victory.

The trick about the theater is at the end of the day you cannot take any of it personally.