When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?

I shot me a nice deer, and I hung it on the den wall in my house. My neighbor comes over and he says, Did you shoot that thing? I said, Nope. He ran through the wall and got stuck. Here's your sign.

There's a group in California that wants to make suicide a capital offense punishable by death. That's like punishing someone for being on a hunger strike by sending them to bed with no supper.

I just hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that say 'I'm Stupid.' That way you wouldn't rely on them, and you wouldn't ask them for nothing.

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.

That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men

Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button.

How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?

In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.

Yesterday, my son was out in the yard playing with his friend, and he hit his friend. I walked up to him, and I said, "Hey... We don't hit". He looked at me like, "Here's your sign, Dad".

Can someone explain to me why pilots feel they need to wake everyone to tell us that we are flying by a cloud that looks like a monkey.

I respect myself and receive joy form all directions.

Without story books is like a person with no soul.

Finish is a laundry powder. I feel guilty when I finish a book.

The favorite method of vice is to diss all responsibility be work or social, go off by myself, and enjoy a good steak and a great glass of wine. Oh yeah, and my kids are there too.

There's no such thing as bop music, but there's such a thing as progress.

This is what you should do, let it rest. I'm playing football for LSU. I'm preparing for R-Kansas. I'm preparing for the next game, and the next game after that.

I would like to collaborate with Lana Del Rey . She just has the perfect voice! I love it.

Somehow, I don't think Jesus came to Earth to ring the bell at the New York Stock Exchange.

I think the house call is one of the ways I get an insight into the ways in which people live and the importance of environment in keeping people healthy.

This helpful book on the role of the arts fills a significant gap in the growing literature on holistic faith-based programs.