When there are starving people in the world, it seems wrong that so many of us Americans eat as much for entertainment as for nourishment.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

Being kind is more important than being right.

I just wish we knew a little less about his urethra and a little more about his arms sales to Iran.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

Everyone starts out being an atheist. No one is born with belief in anything. Infants are atheists until they are indoctrinated.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Somehow, like so many people who get depressed, we felt our depressions were more complicated and existentially based than they actually were.

To call the Form [of the Good] eternal is misleading: that something lasts forever does not render it any the better, any more than long-enduring whiteness is whiter than ephemeral whiteness.

My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.

Here we are in this wholly fantastic universe with scarcely a clue as to whether our existence has any real significance.

It is a tremendous waste of energy to try to block anyone else. That same energy could be applied to furthering your own success.

I love collaboration of all kinds, and I love the way that collaboration pulls me into directions I wouldn't go in if I was working on my own.

That's the problem with false proofs of true theorems; it's not easy to produce a counterexample.

You don't reason with intellectuals. You shoot them.

When life gives you lemons... choke on them and die... you stupid lemon eater.

Your chilly stars I can forgo, this warm kind world is all I know.