When unrequited love is the most expensive thing on the menu, sometimes you settle for the daily special.

Love hurts worse than getting slammed by a 250-pound linebacker.

Why were you watching me change?" I explain. "Uh, 'cause I'm a guy?" He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it. Then he rolls over and closes his eyes again.

How can you be in love with someone for forever and not be willing to take a chance when it finally hits you in the face like a linebacker?

You know, there's no more dangerous creature on Earth than the teenage girl.

Smile, look invested, and when you hand in certain projects, say you enjoyed working on them.

I like to go dancing, have a few beers. I like being alone, too. I have days where it's 'God, get me a shot of tequila.'

One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.

I did make some money, the first money that I ever made, doing this last one, and it's an extraordinary feeling just being given the freedom to do something.

Prayer is converse with God, equal honor with the Angels, progress in good things, averting of evils, righting of sinners.

No man is ever as anti-feminist as a really feminine woman.

Being on stage is the best part of my career. I just say whatever comes into my head. It's the only time I feel grown-up and in control of things.

With two leftover husbands to account for, my wicked soul has just about shriveled and died

When we decided to take up arms, it was because the only other choice was to surrender and to submit to slavery.

Every time you quit, someone else gets your prize. Every time you make a mistake, you get closer to yours.