When watering your plants, try to talk to them - say something like, Hold it right there and then shoot them with water gun.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Faith is the highest passion in a human being. Many in everygeneration may not come that far, but none comes further.

Don't dwell on sadness. Joy will take you where you want to go.

In the pursuit of your dreams, you are your greatest assetand doubt is your greatest liability.

Having a bunch of cats around is good. If you're feeling bad, just look at the cats, you'll feel better, because they know that everything is, just as it is.

There is nothing God doesn't know about your life. You may know the past and present, but God also knows the future. Choose today to walk securely - not in what you know, but in what you believe.

What we know is a drop, what we don't know is an ocean.

Rich the treasure, Sweet the pleasure,- Sweet is pleasure after pain.

Any growth requires a temporary loss of security.

One seemed simply to be here, less an accumulation of moments than a single arrangement continuously gifted from some inaccessible future.

Every team is beatable, you never know. The right moment, the right time, every team is beatable.