When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

We as women, we have to understand that we know more, just even instinctively, than we think we do.

Fear may come true that which one is afraid of.

The man with but one idea in his head is sure to exaggerate that to top-heaviness, and thus he loses his equilibrium.

So please don't judge me and I won't judge you 'cause it could get ugly before it gets beautiful.

The Spanish wine, my God, it is foul, catpiss is champagne compared, this is the sulphurous urination of some aged horse.

Beware of the man who rises to power from one suspender.

Denmark is like a secret little place with its own special language.

No iron spike can pierce a human heart as icily as a period in the right place.

Inspiration comes from all different places.

The fear of a work becoming dated is one of the most effective tools for keeping people from writing political work.