When we recall Christmas past, we usually find that the simplest things - not the great occasions - give off the greatest glow of happiness.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

No one party can fool all of the people all of the time; that's why we have two parties

I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.

My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

I don't do a lot of political jokes. Too many are getting elected.

Papas should be loving their children so much that they cry when they gone. That’s what papas is supposed to do.

What if I could give you your life back; pluck out the pain; and give you a world of unimaginable beauty that would be for all time.

We best teach what we ourselves have learned.

Luck is where opportunity meets preparation.

And the revelation was a little like what saints receive on mountains - a further chapter in the history of the mystery.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

Going around under an umbrella interferes with one's looking up at the sky.

This afternoon, I've arranged for this ceremony to be illuminated by solar power.

Know that you will eventually have to leave everything behind; the writing will demand it of you.

I like to move around in the landscape between poetry and prose, between the lyrical and the narrative.