When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

The ability to delude yourself may be an important survival tool.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or worse. God puts us all in each other's lives to impact one another in some way.

If olive oil comes from olives, then where does baby oil come from?

I worry that our lives are like soap operas. We can go for months and not tune in to them, then six months later we look in and the same stuff is still going on.

One thing I have no worry about is whether God exists. But it has occurred to me that God has Alzheimer's and has forgotten we exist.

I worry that humanity has been "advanced" to its present level of incompetency because evolution works on the Peter Principle.

We may not stay quick, If we are weak or sage, but a lot can squeak As we start to age.

My mum told me to have patience. It's about realising that when things aren't going the way you want them to, or you don't have inspiration, it will come.

If you are a writer you're at home, which means you're out of touch. You have to make excuses to get out there and look at how the world is changing.

I'm happy in Madrid, my kids are happy and my wife is happy, so everything's good. If anyone knows about contracts they take a while to sort out.

There is naught a man or woman can not learn who hath the wit.

There are four different theories concerning Divine Providence; they are all ancient, known from the time of the Prophets, when the true law was revealed to enlighten these dark regions.

Acting had been a hobby that turned into a career, the directing was a hobby that turned into a career and music just really allowed me to find another way to express myself.

Writing books is one of the ways that human beings deal with loss, especially when you don't have religious consolation available.

Everyone makes mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance.

People who hate God... take it out on innocent people.