When you are in a room and your job is to write jokes 10 hours a day, your mind starts going to strange places.

The only reason we die, is because we accept death as an inevitability.

The only problem is time.

'Family Guy' has this weird thing of attracting people. People either hate it or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in between.

Believe it or not, I have about the same success rate as anyone else. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss.

The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.

Adults acting like children and children acting like adults is generally a pretty reliable comic device.

What makes me happy is just keeping my brain challenged and stimulated and on its toes.

You gotta keep the funny intact.

Nobody sets out to offend or shock for the sake of shocking. You set out to get laughs.

I'm the guy in the crowd making fun of the hero's shirt.

He who dares not offend cannot be honest.

And so she remained, like everything that mattered to me then, secret—to be pursued in the woods by moonlight, when I was supposed to be studying.

I do not so much rejoice that God hath made me to be a Queen, as to be a Queen over so thankful a people.

In my writing, as much as I could, I tried to find the good, and praise it.

Will has always been the brighter burning star, the one to catch attention — but Jem is a steady flame, unwavering and honest. He could make you happy.

I love 'Monty Python,' 'Black Adder,' 'Fawlty Towers'. I'm a huge fan of British comedy.

The power of one man or one woman doing the right thing for the right reason, and at the right time, is the greatest influence in our society.

Any bailout of a private company is a bad decision by our federal government. Private companies have the right to succeed, but they also should have the right to fail.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

Sickness, doctors, that scares me, not violence -- helplessness. That's why I turn to violent stories.