When you ask a girl out and she suggest a bar, you're answer shouldn't be great, I like that bar and they'll have the Rockets game on too.

Passion always finds a way. Follow your passion and everything else will work out.

You know what happened the last time a group of people said, 'Screw it, we don't care what you think'? They got hung as witches.

Both are salty, one will give me carpal tunnel, I'll go with the fries.

Everyone has their personal topics. My comedy has always been very strong on observational humor, it stems from what I see every day in my life.

It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

If I could have any job I would be a cat... but that's not something I'm supposed to talk about in public.

As a comedian, as an entertainer, there's a lot of downtime. Once you can accept that comedy is a marathon, not a sprint, it gets a little easier.

I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

I don't hate other women. Let me rephrase that: I hate other women and men - people in general can be annoying - but I've never disliked a woman for being beautiful.

I don't come up with ideas, they come to me. I write them down and try to convey what's wrong with me to the audience as best I can.

We've been here before. She knows I won't stop until she screams. Her pride won't let her scream until she's on the cusp of death.

Whoever incites anger has a strong insurance against indifference.

Chaos is more freedom; in fact, total freedom. But no meaning.

An honest man will continue to be so though surrounded on all sides by rogues.

This Divine truth flows into heaven from the Lord from His Divine love

The mental imagery involved with pianistic tactilia is not related to the striking of individual keys but rather to the rites of passage between notes.

He is not a true man of science who does not bring some sympathy to his studies, and expect to learn something by behaviour as well as application.

If I make a new bag I love, I don't keep it.

Keep thinking. You can hear our brains rattling around inside us, like the littler Russian dolls.

I've never gotten thick skin. If you close yourself off and you get this protective armor, there is a price you pay with that - of not feeling. And feeling is important when you are a songwriter.