When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.

Got it!" Mike announced. The GE record player slowly whirred to life, creaky as an old carousel."Nice, " John said, raising a beer in salute. "What'd you do?""It wasn't on, " Mike said.

The moment we begin to define others and ourselves by how we are different, the seeds of separation are planted.

It is dehumanizing, demeaning and humiliating when you fail or refuse to acknowledge or respond to a Good Morning greeting. #Mannerism

You can buy a good pasta but when you cook it yourself it has another feeling.

All the troubles of life come upon us because we refuse to sit quietly for a while each day in our rooms.

Fear is the base of what everybody does wrong in their lives.

Secrecy is thus, so to speak, a transition stadium between being and not-being.

We've seen how grassroots journalism by blogs has had an impact at various points politically, as ordinary people have amplified stories that were being ignored by the traditional press.

Let go and let God. Let Him take over your life and run it. He knows how.

I can cheat fear today - but won't it return tomorrow? Rather, I must embrace this fear... and find peace in its bosom.