When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

This is not the end, this is not even the beginning of the end, this is just perhaps the end of the beginning.

I let him run on, this papier-maché Mephistopheles, and it seemed to me that if I tried I could poke my forefinger through him, and would find nothing inside but a little loose dirt, maybe.

Keep your standards even when everyone around you is losing theirs.

And by the way, if she constantly leaving you messages that she's in another castle...she's just not that into you. Move on.

Sticks and stones may break your bones but words can hurt like hell.

She had become so thoroughly annealed into his life that she was like the air he breathed--necessary but scarcely noticed.

You come to us well tempered, my child, and it is not in my nature to be sorry for it. It is a well tempered blade that is the strongest.

No one but myself thought I could beat guys like Tommy Hearns or Roberto Duran

War seems to be one of the most salutary phenomena for the culture of human nature; and it is not without regret that I see it disappearing more and more from the scene.

Fewer people are bent from hard work than are crooked from avoiding it.