When you go to clubs in London there are loads of good-looking blokes, and I feel like a bit of a minger

I still have imaginary friends who I talk to in my head.

I was brought up with psychics and tarot cards. My mum was always told I was going to be in a boy band and be famous as a singer.

I haven't shaved my private parts, but I dyed them once for a laugh! They looked more ginger, though!

I'm an expert at kissing girls necks, they love it. Girls say I'm quite sensitive, but I'm hyperactive too.

I have a rude thought every three seconds!

I think about dying a lot, every time I fall asleep on a train or a plane I expect to wake up to a crash!

If I fancy a girl, I'll tell her. I'll say: 'You're fit.

My perfect girl would be pretty mad, but one you can have a conversation with. No one can be too mad for me, the madder the better. I love a crazy chick!

I try to be kind to people, to treat them with respect. And I'm proud of that.

Chat to the ghosts! That's what I do!

Every man loves what he is good at.

A word in season is most precious.

Waiters will always pee in soup, people will always fall in love.

Maybe [killers] is one of my real passions. Why deny it?

Waiting and hoping are the whole of life, and as soon as a dream is realized it is destroyed.

Whenever I've directed something, there's this feeling of demand and focus that I like.

You can't even trade a single fart with the next guy. Each and every one of us has to live out his own life. Don't waste time thinking about who's most talented.

Everything that occurs in your life is part of God's plan to wake you up.

I watch HGTV like a maniac, and when it's bad, it's like some crazy college guy watching a football game.

If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.