When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

And hard times are good in their own way, too. Because the only way you can achieve true happiness is if you experience true sadness as well. It's all about light and shade. Balance.

You can, if you believe you can.

Men’s strengths go hand in hand with their weaknesses. That is why there is no such thing as an invincible warrior, and why heroes die.

To me, the mind and body are one. I'm very transparent, in a way, and people can very easily make out what mood I'm in.

Like Leibniz's possible worlds, most men are only equally entitled pretenders to existence. There are few existences.

He who passes not his days in the realm of dreams is the slave of the days.

An experience like that changes your perspective on life and on the world

Philosophy... is the creative perception by the spirit of the meaning of human existence.

If you make a choice that doesn't please your mate, your friends, your mother, or whoever, the world will not fall apart - the people who truly love you want you to love yourself.

Donald [Trump] has had a long career of using great wealth and power trying to bully others.