When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

The appetizer is just an excuse for an extra meal. Let's see, I will start with the eighty buffalo wings.

Yeah the appetizer, that's the food we eat before we have our food...No no you're thinking of dessert, that's food we eat after we have our food.

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

I talk kinda slow, especially for the Northeast, so it was a way to beat [would-be hecklers] to the punch.

My favorite vegetable is the marshmallow.

The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.

Anyone know if the shuttles to Hell will have Wifi? Asking for a friend.

One of the benefits of eating salad is that you can eat tons of it and never be satisfied.

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

I am a WomanPhenomenally.Phenomenal Woman, that's me.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

I keep wondering at night, 'Will I have a bank the next morning, or will some technology company be doing banking without needing a bank?'

The secret of concentration is the secret of self-discovery. You reach inside yourself to discover your personal resources, and what it takes to match them to the challenge.

It's important to try to get people to think about women's wellness.

Find the best writers, pay them to write, and avoid typos at all costs.

Israel must remove the two blue stripes from its national flag. The stripes on the flag are symbols of occupation. They signify Israel's borders stretching from the River Euphrates to the River Nile.

The lack of opportunity is ever the excuse of the weak.

Instead of expecting all and being lowered into despair each time I get less, I expect nothing now and, occasionally, I get a little, and am more than a little happy.

Exercise for the joy of feeling good and getting better. Eat right with the intention of fueling your body with the things it needs to perform.