When you improvise, you work off the laughs from the audience, but when you step on stage to do standup, it's silent.

Make all your decisions based on how hilarious it would be if you did it.

If you feel like a weirdo, it's okay because weirdos rule the world.

I'm too awkward to date, I think. I'm kind of all or nothing, you know? Either put a baby inside of me or leave me alone.

It's weird, huh? It's like the minute you kinda give up control you just know what to do without doing anything.

I'm like that person who hates going to magic shows - and I love magic, I love wizards - but going to a show where there is any possibility of audience participation is a nightmare for me.

I always want to keep growing and keep surprising people, and showing them different parts of me.

I think being on a TV show is amazing but also, people get kind of used to seeing you a certain way and so it becomes a challenge to break free from that in a way.

I don't let myself 'surf' on the Web, or I would probably drown.

I've had experiences in my life where I've met certain people that have opened up something in me and given me hope and a new outlook on life.

My grandfather came over from Puerto Rico and raised his kids speaking English so that it would be easier for them to assimilate.

Your comfort zone is a place where you keep yourself in a self-illusion and nothing can grow there but your potentiality can grow only when you can think and grow out of that zone.

Capture the moment. It is your only sacred-memory.

We grow the aspects of our lives that we feed – with energy and engagement – and choke off those we deprive of fuel. Your life is what you agree to attend to.

Here is the truth about self-discovery: it is never without cost.

Sometimes the only way to keep love, is to let it go.

Through zeal knowledge is gotten through lack of zeal knowledge is lost.

We do not believe voters gave President Bush a mandate to turn back the clock decades on so many of our legal protections.

All the men on my staff can type.

I have always been interested in the concept of ruin.

Weaknesses, so called, are nothing more nor less than vice in disguise!