When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

Some people will tell you there is a great deal of poetry and fine sentiment in a chest of tea.

you are a volume in the divine booka mirror to the power that created the universewhatever you want, ask it of yourselfwhatever you're looking for can only be foundinside of you

I like to work with artists who are as wide in their musical taste as I am.

There's something cool about traveling when you're young. There's a sense of camaraderie. You learn more about yourself.

Right now I’m inspired to fight for the honour of my country.

Yeah man, they call gambling a disease, but it's the only disease where you can win a bunch of money.

Are you running away from something?

There is a real vulgarity in the way women dress at the moment. They show off too much and try too hard. They don't understand where the line is between sexy and vulgar. I know where that line is.

If the heart bleeds love, bare it, If the martyr's crown fits, wear it.

I don't understand why people don't understand that the world of TV should look like the world outside of TV.