When you're a young comedian the first thing you want to do is get a laugh.

Shrimp are the insects of the ocean. They're bottom feeders. So they're delicious, but they're the bugs of the sea.

If you're driving down the street, you keep the neck forward. So that way you can clear out the lanes.

The thing is that where I want to go isn't necessarily tied to what's going on there politically, but I think Vietnam is a really beautiful country. I think Thailand is also really beautiful.

I just got diagnosed with tendonitis which is such an insulting diagnosis. Just point to my shoulder and say "old."

I think Batman Returns is right for riffs. I love it but it's the ultimate Tim Burton movie. There is so much that happens that's crazy and there are a ton of things to riff.

I can't do Christopher Walken impressions anymore, thanks [Barack] Obama.

As you go on you realize "Okay I know how to get laughs but am I saying things I want to say? Am I writing jokes that I like?" You get to a point that is that so you move on.

Netflix is very protective with their information .

I read recently that I was born in Arizona. I wasn't born in Arizona. I was born in New Mexico, but I can understand why people might confuse those two Southwestern desert states.

One time I was really close to Steve Martin. I was too afraid to actually go talk to him, but I'll count that as meeting.

Every big dream starts small.

A lonely human we think is lonely. Freakin thoughts surround it. A lonely bird we think is lonely. Damn! Did you see! The giant nature around it. Disrespectful of nature if we be, lonely are only we.

I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine.

Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.

God is letting me shine, because I've got a good heart.

Probability of human error is considerably higher than that of machine error.

As Christians living in changing times, we must keep three things open: our heads, our hearts, and our Bibles.

If I were an opera singer, I"d have sung you an aria. If I were an artist, I would have painted your portrait. But cooking is what I'm best at.

I didn't even know what a film director was. To me, Charlie Chaplin was a goofy clown, and John Ford - what? Never heard of him.

Be kind to people, do the best that you can do and don’t compromise yourself for anyone else and you’ll end up being the best person, trust me.