When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

How can you find your soul, if you please every soul?

Life isn't about falling in love as much as it is about learning to get over hatred..

It's the problem with having a logical mind and giving women the same credit for ability as men, he mused as he dismounted. You can't contrive reasons to keep them safe.

No one knows whether death may not be the greatest of all blessings for a man, yet men fear it as if they knew it was the greatest of evils.

Accept Him? Do we really think Jesus needs our acceptance? Don't we need Him?

Our bodily eye findeth never an end, but is vanquished by the immensity of space.

The Commission on Presidential Debates is a corrupt stranglehold on our democracy.

To make someone wait: the constant prerogative of all power.

I hold a doctrine, to which I owe not much, indeed, but all the little I ever had, namely, that with ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.

Alliances and partnerships produce stability when they reflect realities and interests.