When you're babysitting a kid, all you're seeing is a version of them, a small dosage.

I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.

Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?

I am the comedy version of ambidextrous. I'm working with my left and right hand. I'm the two-sided coin. I'm all of those metaphors you can think of. I'm the interracial couple. I'm BET and CBS.

You're trying to make someone wet their pants and you're trying to make somebody crap in their pants. That's the motivation of a comic. Who else has that power?

All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.

You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.

You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?

Man, you can come see me six or seven times in a row and you'll never see the same show twice, because I don't like to be robotic onstage. I like to perform for that particular audience.

This Italian restaurant I'm at is authentic! When they seat you, they give you a mustache.

My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.

People are always looking for magic, when the natural world holds true miracles

I will fight untill the end

Nobody who is afraid of laughing and heartily too at his friend can be said to have a true and thorough love for him.

There are no greater treasures than the highest human qualities such as compassion, courage and hope. Not even tragic accident or disaster can destroy such treasures of the heart.

I'm really excited about our DJ set. That's probably the most exciting of all. It's selfish but it's always your own thing that you're most concerned with.

Profits on the exchange are the treasures of goblins. At one time they may be carbuncle stones, then coals, then diamonds, then flint stones, then morning dew, then tears.

Characterization requires self-knowledge, insight into human nature . . . it is more than impersonation.

The origin of the labor movement lies in self-defense.

There's no way up but down.

And so Adam, in that his speech to Eve, uttered his faith in the promise made to her of her seed, and so in that respect Adam himself came in under her covenant.