When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

There is no royal road to science, and only those who do not dread the fatiguing climb of its steep paths have a chance of gaining its luminous summits.

If the broadcasters were to win on their claims, they'd outlaw the DVR.

Those who glory in their looks - not in their hearts - dress to please others.

Gah, some chicks should be shot. Put out of everyone else's reproduction pool.

One could always do more, faster and cleverer, but democracy has its own rhythm.

Arson is the single most fundamental form of terrorism.It's the simplest terrorist tactic.

A brick layer, lays bricks... I'm an Actor, that's what I do.

Magic doesn't suit everyone. Only those prepared to take full responsibility for themselves should apply.

I feel like there's no need to put on a heel that's too high. There's nothing cute about wobbling. There's nothing cute about not wanting to dance or walk somewhere because you're in pain.