When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

We can’t choose our poetic fathers any more than our biological ones — but we can choose how to come to terms with them.

Pray, and let God worry.

I think you can fall in love many times, and it depends on what stage you are in your life. Your soulmate requirements or deal-breakers change with you.

Washington doesn't have just a spending problem, or just an entitlement problem, or just a taxing problem. We have a leadership problem. Fix that, and the first three problems are solved.

Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

traveling is the great true love of my life

Self-expression is my goal, I want to be real with my feelings. Singing and dancing and all the joy that goes with performing come from my heart. If I can't feel it, I won't do it.

Inspiration does not always precede the act of writing; it often follows it.

In every country in the world, killing human beings is condemned. The Buddhist precept of non-killing extends even further, to include all living beings.

Aside from Donald Trump, polls find [Hillary] Clinton to be the least-liked presidential candidate in recent history.