When you're the only pea in the pod, your parents are likely to get you confused with the Hope diamond.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

The people who are always hankering loudest for some golden yesteryear usually drive new cars.

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse that progress requires them are not really progress at all, but just terrible things.

The only thing I was fit for was to be a writer, and this notion rested solely on my suspicion that I would never be fit for real work, and that writing didn't require any.

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

What the New Yorker calls home would seem like a couple of closets to most Americans, yet he manages not only to live there but also to grow trees and cockroaches right on the premises.

In an age when the fashion is to be in love with yourself, confessing to be in love with somebody else is an admission of unfaithfulness to one's beloved.

Americans like fat books and thin women.

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems.

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

Run! Go perfect your crafts. Run! Go use your creativity.

Part ways with your perception of reality, allow the unknown and your curiosity muster into a visual you've never allowed yourself to see.

I’ll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.

It's a Man's Man's Man's World

I do not know. [summarising his life's work]

We all have a dark place in us. It's what we do with it and the choice we make.

As a cure for worrying, work is better than whiskey.

The real lowdown on gardening is ... dirt.

Leadership simply begins with the courage to be yourself. So everyone else can be, too.

A great artist is a great man in a great child.