When you work with your hands, you learn to appreciate how easy it is to earn money talking.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Love is more powerful than prettiness or wittiness.

One of my biggest complaints about adulthood is that it's difficult to simply hang out with friends

Why do you hate me so much?To be honest, I don't know why, but I really hate to feel this way.

What little light was left inside me flickered out.

Robotics are beginning to cross that line from absolutely primitive motion to motion that resembles animal or human behavior.

Motion is a great tranquilizer.

Bring me liquor, Bones, fast, to take my foot out of my mouth. Cat to Bones

I wasn't the most popular girl in class, I had my friends, but I was comfortable with myself. There's always those most popular girls and I wasn't one of those.

It's kind of interesting to be a director who is all of a sudden being an actor playing an agent. This is my whole world!

If you were seeing a lot of horseshit, there had to be a pony in the vicinity.