Whenever I do a parody it's not meant to make you hate anybody's music really.

It doesn't take a military genius to see we'll all be crispy critters after World War III.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

In heaven there is no beer. That's why we drink ours here.

If money can't buy happiness, then I guess I'll have to rent it.

You got me stranded on the bungee tower of love.

I'm still a geek on the inside, that's the important thing.

At this point I've got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when 'Weird Al' wants to go parody, it's not meant to make them look bad... it's meant to be a tribute.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

As a wise man once said, “April Fools Day is for amateurs. You NEVER need an excuse to mess with people's heads.”

Nows the time to go for all the gusto you can grab. You'll have plenty of time to be low-key when you're laid out on the slab.

The rules from those who are politically correct restrict what you can say to or about anything in our daily life. They tell you what to call others and what others can call you.

You can hide things from the world, but you can never hide things from time.

What's the point of doing something good if nobody's watching?

Men are foolish to expect us to revere them, when, in the end, they amount to almost nothing.

Poetry is an art, and chief of the fine art; the easiest to dabble in, the hardest in which to reach true excellence.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer and longer to wash my face.

Passions are defects or virtues in the highest power.

And givin' yourself to me can never be wrong

Gutta cavat lapidem, non vi sed saepe cadendo. (The drop excavates the stone, not with force but by falling often.)

Laugh a lot. Laughter will make even the dreariest situations a whole lot more enjoyable.