Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Hurry, " she breathed. "I need you to fill me up." "Baby, I'm gonna do more than that.

Suicide carried off many. Drink and the devil took care of the rest

I loved the house the way you would any new house, because it is populated by your future, the family of children who will fill it with noise or chaos and satisfying busy pleasures.

Keep strong if possible; in any case, keep cool.

United in this determination and with unshakable faith in the cause for which we fight, we will, with God's help, go forward to our greatest victory.

People who have addictive problems usually have some subset of emotional difficulties that causes them to abuse substances.

The writer interweaves a story with his own doubts, questions, and values. That is art.

The English language on her tongue became a smoke-screen, without her eyes changing expression in the least.

The Holy Spirit transforms and renews us, creates harmony and unity, and gives us courage and joy for mission.

Death is God's delightful way of giving us life.