Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store i just flip to the about the author section. I'm like, "Done, next!"

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

My main nurturing instinct toward children is mild sadism--picking them up and threatening to drop them--which is why I am a good uncle but would make a poor father.

A word spoken in good season how good it is!

I was the first size 14 model to be featured in an ad in the magazine,I was the first size 14 model on the cover!

People like people who help them like themselves.

Wisdom is an artful method—a skillful, tactical, fair, and diplomatic use of knowledge.

Religion is based on dogma and belief, whereas science is based on doubt and questioning.

Mathematics is so much easier than words mathematics makes things clear that words merely muddle and confuse and mess up.

You're more than just neither, honey. There's other ways to be than either-or. It's not so simple. Otherwise there wouldn't be so many people who don't fit.

Let's be honest, the fact that Michael [Gove] announced very late in the process this morning that he was going to put his name forward, showed how much he had wrestled with this.

I want my fights to be seen as plays that have a beginning, a middle and an end