Whenever I try to spell 'banana,' I feel stupid because I don't know when to end it.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

Some days being a writer consists of telling yourself you aren't insane, your characters are.

It is proper netiquette to refrain from using all capital letters in internet correspondence. NetworkEtiquette.net

A cheerful frame of mind, reinforced by relaxation... is the medicine that puts all ghosts of fear on the run.

Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs.

Though a simple book can be written on selected topics, the central doctrines of economics are not simple and cannot be made so.

She did not shut it properly because she knew that it is very silly to shut oneself into a wardrobe, even if it is not a magic one.

It's not enough simply to wear the badge of corporate responsibility. Business must accept that real change is the only response to climate change and other environmental crises

The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty.

I'm very much over my hair. If it was up to me, I'd have cut it a long time ago.

Athletic skills are acquired over a long period of time and after countless hours of practice.