Whenever a reporter is assigned to cover a Methodist conference, he comes home an atheist.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

When you decide to become consistent, you are telling yourself that 'I will never make another excuse again.' You have to commit to it, and most importantly believe in yourself.

If you were my child, I would staple you to your bedroom wall.

It is a greater work to educate a child in the true and larger sense of the word than to rule a state.

I decided to write [Collateral Beauty] on my own which made it the first spec script I wrote in 11 years.

I didn't cause it. I can't control it. I can't cure it.

The kingdom of heaven is not come even when God's will is our law; it is fully come when God's will is our will.

If a tornado twists at 175 miles an hour and stays on the ground like a massive lawnmower for 50 miles, God gave the command.

The gambling interests like to point to the construction jobs, but those jobs go away

Good schools, good jobs, good government. These are not unreasonable demands. But sadly, some of our people have already lost heart and have left Hawaii to look for these things elsewhere.

Because of the realities of human nature, perfect peace is achieved in two places only: in the grave and at the typewriter.