Whenever people tell you they are going to wipe the slate clean, it's your slate they mean to wipe.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

He announces that lately he keeps losing things. "Like your wife and child, " I want to say, but don´t. At fourty, I´ve learned not to say everything clever, not to score every point.

Loneliness will give you the greatest chance of ever having a beautiful relationship with another person.

A myth doesn't have to be real to be true.

One may not eat what has a face.

Some people wait for a miracle to start living their lives happily. Others, use that time and create the miracle themselves.

Oakland is home, and you always want to go home. Anytime you get the chance, you're happy to go home.

Chief executives that are successful make good chief executives.

The world doesn't end just because one thing goes wrong.

Remember that the tongue speaks only what is in the heart.

Lisp is still #1 for key algorithmic techniques such as recursion and condescension.