Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

I don’t drink anymore - just the same amount.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Maybe before you die, it's your ghosts you see.

I don't think I have the stamina anymore and I certainly don't have the health.

It is a part of Christianity to convert every natural talent to a religious use.

They have all different names for music. I think the music I'm going to change the style with is going to be really, really big-years and years after I'm gone.

No discussion between two persons can be of any use, until each knows clearly what it is that the other asserts.

During the Gold Rush, most would-be miners lost money, but people who sold them picks, shovels, tents and blue-jeans (Levi Strauss) made a nice profit.

Most newspaper companies still have their heads in the sand, but other media companies are aggressive.

Come to a book as you would come to an unexplored land. Come without a map. Explore it, and draw your own map.... A book is like a pump. It gives nothing unless first you give to it.

The street is the river of life of the city, the place where we come together, the pathway to the center.