Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.

In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.

There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.

The lies (Western slander) which well-meaning zeal has heaped round this man (Muhammad) are disgraceful to ourselves only.

What is the secret of life?’ I asked.‘I forget, ’ said Sandra.‘Protein, ’ the bartender declared. ‘They found something out about protein.‘‘Yeah, ’ said Sandra, ‘that’s it.

Long live the Unity of Latin America.

Typically with HBO shows, the ninth episode often winds up being a big one and when lots of exciting stuff happens. And then the tenth one is the more placid, character-based one.

A classic is a book that remains in print

... engineering is a basic instinct in man, the expression of which is existentially fulfilling.

Talk less, but with more awareness. Every word you use, use purposefully.

The first newspaper I worked on was the 'Springfield Union' in Springfield, Massachusetts. I wrote over a hundred letters to newspapers asking for work and got three responses, two no's.

I am undeniably afraid of the dark!

Why don't you pair'em up in threes?