Where do the homeless have 90 per cent of their accidents?

Growing old is compulsory - growing up is optional.

Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one?

Silence is not only golden, it is seldom misquoted.

I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.

They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they're not laughing now.

I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.

My mother tried to kill me when I was a baby. She denied it. She said she thought the plastic bag would keep me fresh.

If blind people wear sunglasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?

My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.

The last time I was in Spain I got through six Jeffrey Archer novels. I must remember to take enough toilet paper next time.

I thought I would be understood without words.

Wish you were here, we can get lost in the forest together and eat bamboo rice.

One of the reasons why so few of us ever act instead of react is because we are continually stifling our deepest impulses.

The real Zen of the old Chinese masters was wu-shih, or "no fuss."

Knowledge, wisdom, and understanding don't come out of the microwave. You got to keep moving forward because the evil doesn't sleep.

Conscience is God's presence in humans.

Most girls are attracted to the simple things in life. Like men.

I am not against all wars-just whichever is current.

A samagra gramsevak must know everybody living in the village and render them such service as he possibly can.

Unsolicited surprise requests from strangers are essentially guaranteed to be met with a negative response.