Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?

There is only one goal. That's to keep working and keep flossing.

When people ask me if Dean Martin drank, let me put it this way. If Dracula bit Dean in the neck, he'd get a Bloody Mary.

Moses, who said to the children of Israel, Wear your galoshes; I never did this trick before. Never got a dinner!

Donald Trump's mother, who said, Donnie! Stop playing Monopoly and get in that barber's chair! Never got a dinner!

Amelia Earhart, who said, Stop looking for me; see if you can find my luggage! Never got a dinner!

Aladdin, who said to his wife, I know it's not a lamp, keep rubbing! Never got a dinner!

George W. Bush, who said to Pope John Paul II, Give us a visit, and bring the missus. Never got a dinner!

King Solomon, who said to his thousand wives, Who doesn't have a headache tonight? Never got a dinner!

Orville Wright said to his brother, "Wilbur, you were only in the air for 12 seconds. How could my luggage be in Cleveland?"

Jack the Ripper's mother, who said to Jack, How come I never see you with the same girl twice? Never got a dinner!

The four most expensive word in the English language are 'This time it's different.

I have heard show business characterized as a refuge for childlike persons in flight from all things harsh and real.

To drink for pleasure may be a distraction, but to drink from misery is always a danger.

It should begin much earlier with arts education in the American school system, which is sadly deficient.

Having a messy coat closet should not be a big deal in a full life, and yet there's something about getting control of that coat closet that's surprisingly satisfying.

When the system does not recognize me I'm not devastated.

Uncertainty that comes from knowledge (knowing what you don't know) is different from uncertainty coming from ignorance.

Champions are not generated from the championship. Champion is generated from something they have in them, desires, dreams, and visions.

Shall we gather at the river, Where bright angel feet have trod; With its crystal tide for ever, Flowing by the throne of God?

I do know when the blood burns, how prodigal the soul lends the tongue vows.