Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Life was not meant to be live alone.

Stop Being Afraid Of What Can Go Wrong In Your Life & Start Putting Your Positive Energy Towards All That Can Go Right!

We are the dead. Our only true life is in the future. We shall take part in it as handfuls of dust and splinters of bone. But how far away that future may be, there is no knowing.

People that are scared of the dark have great imaginations and are my kind of people. Those who see nothing in the darkness are boring.

She was flushed and felt intoxicated with the sound of her own voice and the unaccustomed taste of candor. It muddled her like wine, or like a first breath of freedom.

Art is anything you can get lost in. A place to escape and a place to find yourself.

Well, in order to become a grown man, in order to become significant in my family and significant in my children's life, I had to learn my lessons.

It is a direction not a destination.

I've been a comedian for a long time so writing and performing is a big part of what I do. If anybody's doing comedy they should also work on writing.

You know, Mr. Webb, you have two commands you use with irritating frequency. 'Move' and 'Let's go.