Where was the catch? 'Cause I knew one was coming.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

Loud ringing noises, I've discovered, upset Mr.Peepers.

I went to college to play football, not to study it.

It's not just about facts, information and technical know how... Gardens are about time, observation and intuition.

If you feel like you want to die, it's time to sit down and make a list of all the things you haven't done yet.

Everybody seems normal, till you get to know them.

I’m not going to start churning out what you expect. If you want me to be a manufactured act, you can f*** off.

Stop going for the easy buck and start producing something with your life. Create, instead of living off the buying and selling of others.

When I listen to my work, I think, what's so inflammatory about it? It's not really that dissonant. A lot of people who used to hate my stuff have come round to it.

I had decided I would put off the novel until I had gone to Europe and had a lover.

When I was a kid my Dad never let me sing Patsy Cline songs for one simple reason: they've already been done.