Wherever you go in the world, you just have to say you're Canadian and people laugh

As long as you can savor the humorous aspect of misery and misfortune, you can overcome anything.

I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!

Six bucks and my right nut says we're not landing in Chicago.

If you're not happy without it, you'll never be happy with it.

Who wants an orange whip? Orange whip? Orange whip? Three orange whips.

I thought to myself, "Join the army!" It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds.

You know, the finest line a man will walk is between success at work and success at home.

I know what I have to do if I want to lose weight and stay healthy: eat a proper diet and exercise. All I've got to do is apply it.

I'm the one who has to look in the mirror, and after a while it begins to eat at you.

Like your job. Love your wife.

Think? Why think! We have computers to do that for us.

Tell me, tutor, ' I said. 'Is revenge a science, or an art?

The first move was to turn to the one great, perfectly visible and certified revolution in the recent history of the human race [the Google search-engine].

Successful women don't sleep until noon.

I don't feel like I've hit my stride. So I wonder what the moment will be when I get to be who I want to be.

I understand it all. I can write my own ticket for one or two movies. But if they're not the right ones, my ticket gets yanked. I understand that's how it works, and I'm okay with it.

I'm not asking people to feel sorry for me.

Seems those with money who don't worry about money have big walls.

A little known area often defines the fortunes of leaders -- management skills.

Whoever puts his confidence in men or in any creature is very foolish.