Whether it is the best of times or the worst of times, it is the only time we've got.

The best things in life aren't things.

People who live in glass houses have to wash their windows all the time.

There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes.

Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.

The buffalo isn't as dangerous as everyone makes him out to be. Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.

The things that matter most are not things.

This is not an easy time for humorists because the government is far funnier than we are.

I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.

Jesus came to earth to change our destination for all who believe.

When I get tired of new clunky writing, I resort to old fashioned story tellers, like Wilkie Collins.

Is imagination dependent upon experience, or is experience influenced by imagination?

I love costumes in dance, I think it's very important. The clothes for dancing not only make you feel like somebody else, but it makes you move in a different way.

Oh, Lord. I didn't mean to say anything quotable.

Concepts create idols; only wonder understands anything.

Discover the opinion of your enemies, which is commonly the truest; for they will give you no quarter, and allow nothing to complaisance.

Love God, and do as you like, say the Free Spirits. Yes; but as long as you like anything contrary to God's will, you do not love Him.

Anytime you see a Hungarian, kick him. He'll know why. Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours.

Money is becoming one of the most corrosive elements of politics.