While I have the utmost respect for people who practice the Christian faith, the fact is, as everyone knows, I am as Jewish as a matzo ball or kosher salami.

Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

My grandfather always said, Don't watch your money, watch your health. So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Ladies and gentlemen, you can't please everyone. Take my girlfriend - I think she's the most remarkable woman in the world. . . . That's me . . . But to my wife . . .

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Blacks can get into medical school with a lower grade ... If that's true, a Jew should be able to play basketball with a lower net.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

On the murder of New York deli owner Abe Lebewohl: It's almost like wiping out Carnegie Hall. A sandwich to a Jew is just as important as a country to a Gentile.

My father was a very successful businessman, but he was ruined in the stock market crash. A big stockbroker jumped out the window and fell on his pushcart.

America is the only country in the world where you can burn the flag but can't tear the tag off the mattress.

Barbecue may not be the road to world peace, but it's a start.

Peace is not the absence of conflict but the presence of creative alternatives for responding to conflict - alternatives to passive or aggressive responses, alternatives to violence.

I want every math teacher to know math. I want every science teacher to have expertise in science. I want them to know how to inspire and engage young people.

A lesson learned at the muzzle has the virtue of never being forgotten.

When we first broke into that forbidden box in the other dimension, we knew we had discovered something as surprising and powerful as the New World when Columbus came stumbling onto it.

The major reason why Instagram works is that you can follow anyone out there and start following their photos immediately.

It's unwise to presume on the future... It makes good sense to plan for tomorrow today, but there's a problem with thinking we can always do later the good we can do now.

I slowly came to realize that this job of being an actor, you spend most of your time looking for work. That is your job. Your job is auditioning. You spend very little of your time actually working.

In the Depression we had to divert corn acreage.

With Alien, because we always use a different director, each one kind of stands on its own. So I guess it's possible for them to make another one, but we have no plans.