Who said anything about slicing you up? ... I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead-- nothing serious.

The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.

Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.

Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.

Jesus had to reveal what prayer was not, before He taught what it is.

You can (be a middle-aged comic) if you work very hard at it, because comedy is really hard.

Why Nicolas Sarkozy is the head of France, [he is] warm and extremely likeable.

No amount of technical knowledge and competence is, of itself, sufficient to make a craftperson into an artist. That requires caring - passionate caring about ultimate things.

[Donald] Trump is where the Republicans are, and if you're going to be a Republican leader you should be supportive of that.

No great improvements in the lot of mankind are possible until a great change takes place in the fundamental constitution of their modes of thought.

I've got a couple of years until I turn pro so I guess within that period hopefully I'll be able to get a little bit better.

God [is] the author of the universe, and the free establisher of the laws of motion.

It is an enduring truth, which can never be altered, that every infraction of the Law of nature must carry its punitive consequences with it. We can never get beyond that range of cause and effect.

Love is like a dying ember, only memories remain.